Before I go on and on though, I was reading some other blogs earlier, and it occurred to me: I am not a serious blogger. Other people are far wittier/more serious/have better punctuation/more consistent than I am. So I deduced?...deducted?....(either is fine, I consulted dictionary.com, so pick whichever you prefer) that I am not a serious blogger. Bugger.
Anyway.
So recently I met a guy at my local Starbucks who is a pastor at this church that has evening services. I got really excited about this because my church -as awesome as it is- doesn't have a Sunday evening service. Swee-heeeeet! Now I can go to church TWICE on Sunday! Yes, I do need that much teaching in my life, and I love listening to sermons. In fact, in my quiet times, if I don't feel like reading, I'll listen to a sermon. I mean if I don't feel like reading one of the four books I'm halfway through IN ADDITION TO my Bible, NOT if I don't feel like reading my Bible...come on. That's what quiet time is about, and prayer, HELLO, this isn't my first rodeo. So yeah, I listen to a sermon, and I call it my lazy quiet time.
Where was I going with this?
Oh right. Met that guy. So anyway, he's nice and single. I'm sure he gets chicks that hit on him a lot. Maybe? But so I had asked my friend John to go with me to this service because Starbucks pastor guy was like, "yeah, bring tons of people!"....so I assumed my friend John could go with me. John has to work that night I later found out. CRAP. So I had found Starbucks pastor guy on Twitter through my best friend and tweeted at him. I heard nothing back. It occurred to me after the fact that this might have been weird of me. Unfortunately, I just talk to people, and sometimes I tend to be awkward I think? But that's because nothing really bothers me and I'm one of those people that really would talk to a brick wall. My prayer life is awesome because I know God doesn't mind me talking ALL THE TIME, so I take advantage of that.
So after I didn't hear back from him, and wondering whether or not he thought I was a weirdo for following him on Twitter, I told my friend June she had to go with me. She has to go with me because I tweeted at him that it'd just be me, then realized maybe I shouldn't have. She has to go with me so Starbucks pastor guy doesn't think I am going just because he is there. She has to leave her husband and boys on a Sunday night to go to church AGAIN with me. She's so wonderful.
Then I started being a woman and going over all the reasons that dating him would be impossible anyway. I barely know the guy, but this made me realize something very important.
I have insecurities about my faith.
What I mean is, yes, I want a husband that is man of God. I more than want him. He HAS TO BE a man of God. Because let's face it, a man of God is HAWT. When you're a single, overly analytical, woman of God, it's easy to daydream about the man God has for you. He could be a member in the church (probably not my church because I swear EVERYONE is married or too old for me), he could be a worship leader (probably not for me, those guys are usually super metro, which is fine but not my type), or he could even be a pastor.
Then I started getting nervous about him possibly being a pastor. The thought of that is intimidating, surprisingly enough. I thought, I could not possibly be good enough for him. Not in the sense of my salvation, but in the sense of...well, I wouldn't say I'm wise. Yeah, I know God gives us wisdom, but as far as...Bible verses...I'm so dag gum scatter brained that I have a hard time remembering where that awesome verse was...or what it said word for word. I wouldn't say I have a quiet spirit either. I don't know where I heard that, but I feel like a pastor's wife should have a quiet spirit....whatever exactly that means...And then I was thinking about how I didn't grow up in the church, and I haven't lived a G-rated life by any means.
I recently wrote a letter to my future husband, and apologized for not saving myself for him. And it does break my heart that I didn't. I know it probably won't matter to him because I'm sure he'll be amazing, but it still does bother me. And I thought to myself that a pastor's wife would have surely saved herself for her husband.
I do realize that this line of thinking is not of God, but it's just that I can see my husband being a Sportscenter-watching, gun-toting, motorcycle-riding, ex-football-playing, muscle-car-show-enjoying, on-fire-for-Jesus, sexy man of God. One I can go to church with. I'd prefer that actually.
Of course he doesn't have to be an ex-football player, but he has to be a football fan. It's up there along with him having to be a man of God. Seriously. I want someone I can watch my games with.
But anyway. I know I should pray on this. I also know that "good enough" might not be what I'm trying to say here...I guess essentially it is. I'm not sure if I'd be "Christian enough"....this is an interesting thought I had I'm going to write on later....
Have you ever described someone as "not Christian enough" or "too Christian"? Why? What made them either of those?
I will be revisiting this.
Also, sorry if this was a total waste of your time, but you're the one that read this far and I did preface it with "I'm not a serious blogger", so really, what were you expecting?
