I did have this titled "I eventually get to the point in this"...but I didn't really, so now this is the title.

I should be making white chili right now, but I choose to blog instead. Why? Because I've been putting off making that chili all day that's why. I had a lovely coffee date with my Junebug earlier, and I said to her, "I was thinking about blogging about (what we were discussing at the time)." So I am going to write on it.

Before I go on and on though, I was reading some other blogs earlier, and it occurred to me: I am not a serious blogger. Other people are far wittier/more serious/have better punctuation/more consistent than I am. So I deduced?...deducted?....(either is fine, I consulted dictionary.com, so pick whichever you prefer) that I am not a serious blogger. Bugger.

Anyway.

So recently I met a guy at my local Starbucks who is a pastor at this church that has evening services. I got really excited about this because my church -as awesome as it is- doesn't have a Sunday evening service. Swee-heeeeet! Now I can go to church TWICE on Sunday! Yes, I do need that much teaching in my life, and I love listening to sermons. In fact, in my quiet times, if I don't feel like reading, I'll listen to a sermon. I mean if I don't feel like reading one of the four books I'm halfway through IN ADDITION TO my Bible, NOT if I don't feel like reading my Bible...come on. That's what quiet time is about, and prayer, HELLO, this isn't my first rodeo. So yeah, I listen to a sermon, and I call it my lazy quiet time. 

Where was I going with this? 

Oh right. Met that guy. So anyway, he's nice and single. I'm sure he gets chicks that hit on him a lot. Maybe? But so I had asked my friend John to go with me to this service because Starbucks pastor guy was like, "yeah, bring tons of people!"....so I assumed my friend John could go with me. John has to work that night I later found out. CRAP. So I had found Starbucks pastor guy on Twitter through my best friend and tweeted at him. I heard nothing back. It occurred to me after the fact that this might have been weird of me. Unfortunately, I just talk to people, and sometimes I tend to be awkward I think? But that's because nothing really bothers me and I'm one of those people that really would talk to a brick wall. My prayer life is awesome because I know God doesn't mind me talking ALL THE TIME, so I take advantage of that.

So after I didn't hear back from him, and wondering whether or not he thought I was a weirdo for following him on Twitter, I told my friend June she had to go with me. She has to go with me because I tweeted at him that it'd just be me, then realized maybe I shouldn't have. She has to go with me so Starbucks pastor guy doesn't think I am going just because he is there. She has to leave her husband and boys on a Sunday night to go to church AGAIN with me. She's so wonderful. 

Then I started being a woman and going over all the reasons that dating him would be impossible anyway. I barely know the guy, but this made me realize something very important. 

I have insecurities about my faith.

What I mean is, yes, I want a husband that is man of God. I more than want him. He HAS TO BE a man of God. Because let's face it, a man of God is HAWT. When you're a single, overly analytical, woman of God, it's easy to daydream about the man God has for you. He could be a member in the church (probably not my church because I swear EVERYONE is married or too old for me), he could be a worship leader (probably not for me, those guys are usually super metro, which is fine but not my type), or he could even be a pastor. 

Then I started getting nervous about him possibly being a pastor. The thought of that is intimidating, surprisingly enough. I thought, I could not possibly be good enough for him. Not in the sense of my salvation, but in the sense of...well, I wouldn't say I'm wise. Yeah, I know God gives us wisdom, but as far as...Bible verses...I'm so dag gum scatter brained that I have a hard time remembering where that awesome verse was...or what it said word for word. I wouldn't say I have a quiet spirit either. I don't know where I heard that, but I feel like a pastor's wife should have a quiet spirit....whatever exactly that means...And then I was thinking about how I didn't grow up in the church, and I haven't lived a G-rated life by any means. 

I recently wrote a letter to my future husband, and apologized for not saving myself for him. And it does break my heart that I didn't. I know it probably won't matter to him because I'm sure he'll be amazing, but it still does bother me. And I thought to myself that a pastor's wife would have surely saved herself for her husband. 

I do realize that this line of thinking is not of God, but it's just that I can see my husband being a Sportscenter-watching, gun-toting, motorcycle-riding, ex-football-playing, muscle-car-show-enjoying, on-fire-for-Jesus, sexy man of God. One I can go to church with. I'd prefer that actually. 

Of course he doesn't have to be an ex-football player, but he has to be a football fan. It's up there along with him having to be a man of God. Seriously. I want someone I can watch my games with. 

But anyway. I know I should pray on this. I also know that "good enough" might not be what I'm trying to say here...I guess essentially it is. I'm not sure if I'd be "Christian enough"....this is an interesting thought I had I'm going to write on later....

Have you ever described someone as "not Christian enough" or "too Christian"? Why? What made them either of those?

I will be revisiting this.

Also, sorry if this was a total waste of your time, but you're the one that read this far and I did preface it with "I'm not a serious blogger", so really, what were you expecting?

File this one under "unprofound thoughts"

Ok. So I took a break from my blog-obviously. Why? Well, a friend told me that my last post may have been a bit harsh. And the criticism, as constructive as it was, hurt. She made a very valid point giving me an analogy saying that it was like I beat the dog for peeing in the house, but then didn't show him a better way. Ok, point taken. However, I felt that my anger was justified when I was writing it because I could and can honestly feel for the gay community, and honestly not blame them for having an issue with Christians, collectively.

Please also understand I am not saying I am any better, by any means. But as a sister in Christ, I felt the need to write on that topic because I do feel very strongly about it, and I am aware that some brothers and sisters may still feel some homophobia that they may need to pray for deliverance from, but to be aware of themselves even in the midst of Him changing you.
So perhaps my approach was in fact harsh, and I do apologize if it was offensive. That is never my intention. Ever.

So, since my little break, I have also realized that every post I make will not contain some deep spiritual wisdom....I'd be surprised if any of them did! But I do want to post more regularly, so all of my posts won't be as long by any means, and I'd like to really just talk about what God is doing in my life, in addition to any -possibly deep- thoughts I have about something.

With that being said, currently I am reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan and he is discussing the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and how all of this is meaningless without love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 says, "Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love."

God has really been showing me lately the importance of this, and even now as I sit in Starbucks (my new, favorite, quiet time spot), I can see how He changes us to see people the way He sees them. The importance of not judging people based on their outward appearance...and this is a difficult thing to do. I have to catch myself every time I start to form opinions because the fact of the matter is that they are God's children too.

The other morning I was on my way into work and I just kind of zoned out, watching the people drive by in front of me, one by one, in morning rush hour traffic, and all of them focused on where they were going for the day. And I thought to myself, God has a LOT of children. And I wondered how many of them were living their lives for Christ. I wondered what they were going through...the ones that had left hand rings on....were they happy in their marriages? Did they have a good childhood? Would they live to see tomorrow?

Last night at my Bible study, we were discussing the children in Haiti and how this team that had went on a mission trip went to an orphanage, and the adults that were taking another team to the airport had left, so basically all that was in charge was this fifteen year old girl. And she had a little stack of clothes on her cot, and that was it. That was her life. 

These are the kinds of things we put out of our minds, that we grow numb too. I pray to God that we wouldn't grow numb or callous. These things are hard to swallow. It will keep you up at night. So much so, that the compassion we feel for these people can only be of God and, interestingly enough, God is the only one that can adequately help us cope with these very real feelings that are so unsettling. 

It was also interesting to me to realize that all these people -myself included- that sit in rush hour traffic, day after day, have seemingly stupid issues (strictly speaking of myself in the sense of stupid) that God also cares about hearing. He is amazing like that. And it definitely wasn't the first time I've thought to myself that I am so glad I'm not God. 

Just what's been on my mind lately...its true that we could stand in awe of Him forever...the things we don't and can't understand about Him are limitless...but so are the things we can...or at least try to. Like His overwhelming, equal, unselfish love for the children in Haiti, and the guy in that service van in the next lane, and also, for you.

This makes me VERY angry.

I woke up this morning, in a fantastic mood, with intentions on having my quiet time with the Lord. However, for some reason, I feel He put this on my heart, so much so that I couldn't focus for my quiet time.

A few weeks ago, a friend told me a story. He met this woman, who took her clothes off for a living, Bless her Lord. She had a gay best friend-male. This woman's life was already...tragic really, her husband had basically died in her arms after she had watched him wither away due to leukemia. Her best friend was really all she had left in the world- according to her. A time after that, the best friend found out he had AIDS. He had been hurt in past relationships and basically screwed over, so one day, he called 911 and told them they needed to send an ambulance and coroner because after he hung up the phone he was going to kill himself. And he did.

I heard this story from my friend, and he said to me, "This is the first time I've felt sorry for someone that has taken their own life." I was upset to hear it at first, very much so, and prayed about it. But the next day, I could NOT get the woman or the man out of my mind, a lot like this morning. I called my best friend to have her pray with me, and I WEPT.

It BROKE MY HEART.

Yes, it is a tragic story, but one of the reasons I was and am so affected by it is because I thought to myself, the man probably came into contact with a "Christian" or perhaps even several, that were hateful and judgmental to him for being gay.

THIS IS NOT OK!

I've got news for you "Christians".

WE. ARE. ALL. SINNERS!!!

Lying is the same SIN as any sexual act outside the covenant of marriage, whether it be homosexual or not.

Romans 1:18 says,

18 But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness.


It doesn't say, SOME sinful people, it says ALL SINFUL, WICKED PEOPLE.

WAKE UP! 

Paul goes on to address homosexuality and says in Romans 1:26, 27
26 That is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. 27 And the men, instead of having normal sexual relations with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and as a result of this sin, they suffered within themselves the penalty they deserved.

Almost directly after this, Romans 2:1-3 says,
1 You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things. 2 And we know that God, in his justice, will punish anyone who does such things. 3 Since you judge others for doing these things, why do you think you can avoid God’s judgment when you do the same things?

Did you catch that? YOU ARE JUST AS BAD, AND YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE!

SHAME ON YOU WHO PERSECUTE GAY MEN AND WOMEN!

"why do you think you can avoid God’s judgment when you do the same things?" - SIN. IT'S ALL THE SAME!

This makes me so stinkin angry. Even as I write this. Yes, I do think it is wrong. Do I have the right to go around, being a jerk to them? NO!

MAY I REMIND YOU "CHRISTIANS", that we are called to LOVE EVERYONE. Even people that aren't Christians know that that is what we are supposed to be doing! Hypocrite! If you are reading your Bible AT ALL, you KNOW you are called to love others! PICK A VERSE! How about 1 John 3:23?

23 And this is his commandment: We must believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as he commanded us.

I know this anger I have about this is righteous, and warranted. We are COMMANDED to love one another, in case you forgot.

Even after verse 3 in chapter 2 of Romans, we see what kind of a God that the Lord is
Romans 2:4
4 Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?

I have to calm down.

Brothers and Sisters, WAKE UP! Jesus didn't just die for our sins, He bore the weight of THE WORLD'S SINS. We do not get to pick and choose! AND MAY I REMIND YOU, the types of people JESUS hung out with? He hung out with the most hated people in society in His day. You already know this. So please understand, I say this in love: Stop being a jerk or acting weird anytime you meet someone with an "alternative" lifestyle. It is NOT YOUR PLACE TO JUDGE THEM.

I could go on and on about this. But I'm gonna wrap this up and say this; Yes, it may be wrong, but if you call yourself a Christian, understand that God will deal with them, just as He will deal with you and me.

LET GOD HANDLE IT, AND DO AS YOU ARE TOLD: LOVE.

If you watch the links, it could take you roughly 2.5 hours to get through this post.

I can't believe it's been like....what? 6 days since I posted? It does bug me because this blog is really like a form of worship for me. But this has been a great, busy week for me; I started a new job AND added a new Bible study to my week, which is SUPER exciting, so I know God will cut me some slack- I've still been in His Word in other ways.

I say this like I have so many people that read my blog, ha!

James 5:16 says, "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results."

With that being said, I have a bit of a confession to make. It's kind of embarrassing.

--Like I have so many people that read this.--

But hey, I guess you never know. Anyway, the confession is that last night, I was veggin' out on my couch watching...what was it?....oh, The Office (HILARIOUS show) and for quite possibly the hundredth time, I saw a commercial for Christianmingle.com. I don't know WHY last night was different, but for SOME reason I ended up on the site. They have lovely drop down menus that are easy to fill in, and before I knew it, I had a  profile. 

I KNOW. I can't believe it either.

However.

Once I started to fill in more about my profile, I realized several things. One of the things is that I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I want a man of God. I also know what that DOESN'T look like-I've been there. But it seems that He is showing me what a man of God DOES look like. Another thing I realized is that my heart is well guarded, and PRAISE GOD for that!

Funny that this all happened today, but my best friend sent me a link to this sermon -->http://marshill.com/media/trial/marriage-and-men, and WOW. I honestly think every man should hear it. And women. EVERYONE! This guy cuts men NO SLACK. It is intense. And awesome. So I listened to this, and my already high standards went up even further.

Then I was prompted to listen to the sermon preceding this, geared toward women -->http://marshill.com/media/trial/marriage-and-women. I love the difference in the two sermons. I also love how he treats his wife when she comes to take questions at the end. He is so sweet to her, and the pet names he calls her - adorable. I love that.

So anyway, this got me to thinking about what it means to be a woman of God within a marriage. I had talked the other day to a friend of mine - who is not seeking Christ - and he was going on and on about how he thinks it's crap that the Bible says that women have to be submissive to their husbands and how it's so outdated and all this and that. I was telling him that, as a woman of God, I do not find this offensive. As an opinionated, can-be-mouthy, woman of God, I do not find this offensive.

In the sermon dealing with marriage and women, Driscoll discusses this. The verse in question is 1 Peter 3:1-6, verse 1, part 1 specifically. This is where people freak out:

"Wives 1 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands..."

Some versions say to be submissive. This does NOT translate to being oppressed. If you are a Godly woman, I encourage you to study, Biblically, what a Godly man should look like. If you get into a relationship with a man of God that oppresses you, there is something seriously wrong. Your husband should want the best for you, AS CHRIST WANTS THE BEST FOR YOU. Look at how Jesus loves the Church, His Bride. There should be a direct correlation.

I may post more on this topic later, but I did want to update here, and this is what I've been looking at today. For now I have to sleep. :)

This is not about us. Part 2.

Even as I sit here to write the second part of this, I find myself wondering about a ton other things that are directly related to ME and MY blog.

No no no. Stop it Jolene.

This is not about you. This is about God. It is ALWAYS about God. It has to be.

I started reading this book that a ton of people recommended to me by Francis Chan called Crazy Love. (What? You're just now reading that?! ...I know, I know. Yes.)

In the book, chapter 2, Chan lays it out for us. He basically says that throughout creation, it is all about God. GOD created the Heavens and the Earth, GOD created Adam and Eve and performed the first marriage ceremony, GOD has His people rebel against Him, GOD floods the earth, GOD singles out an old man- Abram and says he will be the father of nation....skip way down the line, GOD sends His son to die for us (Chan calls this the climax of the story which is cool, because it so is), and then His son dies to go back to Heaven to be with GOD. Chan goes on to say the story isn't over yet, we know this because we are living it....or perhaps that's debatable, but I digress.

Chan lays it out like a movie in which GOD is the main character. Brilliant. Doesn't Jesus say, "I AM"? Yes. John 4:25,26:

25 The woman said, “I know the Messiah is coming—the one who is called Christ. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”

26 Then Jesus told her, “I Am the Messiah!”

Jesus is like, "Look lady, I am it! I am the real deal, the meat of the meat and potatoes!"

I was reading this, and I'm gonna be honest. I didn't like it. I thought to myself, "well but what about me Jesus?" ok, well then lets flip this.

What if your life is about you? What if the movie is about you?

Personally, my movie would be pretty daggum boring and ordinary and just like everyone else. Especially considering that I've realized lately that everything I thought I wanted to do with my life may not be what I am supposed to do with my life.

What makes us different is that we follow God. A GOD that is different. A GOD that causes us to BE different. A GOD that blesses us because we CANNOT DO ANYTHING TO HELP OURSELVES. 

THE God.

This was a hard pill for me to swallow, I'm gonna be honest. I like people to like me. I like to talk, we established this in my previous post. I like people to think I'm cool. I like even more for my friends that aren't Christ followers to see the changes He is making in me, and still be cool with me, and still want to talk to me and hang out with me. Just because they see I will not judge them, but that I want to love on them, like Jesus does. 

But at the end of the day it is NOT about me, or people liking me. It's about what GOD is doing, not only in my life, but what He's doing in the world, and what He's done, and what He will do. GOD is the story people.

Even when I go to church on Sunday, I pray, "God, I really just wanna hear from you this morning, you know what's going on with me, I just spent the last 20 minutes in the car straight telling you what's going on with me, now I want to hear from you."

Then it occurred to me, "What if I went to church with ONLY the thought of worshiping Him in my head? That's all I want to do is be in Your presence, and be humbled by Your power and majesty." ....And I knew, that if I did that, He would just bless the junk out of that Sunday service for me. Because that's how He works. He is FREAKING AWESOME like that.

So how about we stop it with the "what about me?" and focus on worshiping Him. That's what we are supposed to be doing anyway. And as I write this, I can tell that most of this is directed at myself, and I am thankful for it.

Every other blessed (yes, I said that like 'bless-sed') thing falls into place when we keep our eyes focused on Him. Why is it so hard? Because we are selfish beings. Look at the world, it's evident.

Just remember that Jesus will help us out with this. Focus on Him. He is the Way, the Truth, and the LIFE. He is your LIFE. 

So let us live like that.

This is not about us. Part 1.

Oh my God. My God, He is good.

This whole week I have been resisting God. I don't know why I do that. That's why I haven't posted. Because if I don't have quality time with Him, I don't feel inspired to write, and all the ideas I have....seem to vanish. Which is cool, and I am thankful for that because then the point of this blog would just be shot to crap. 

But God is faithful. And persistent. I love that about Him. Even when I resist...like reading a book instead of my Bible if I haven't read my Bible all day, or watching tv, or doing something instead of focusing on Him, I can still feel Him pulling at my heart like, "Hey, come spend time with me. You need it."

Most of the time it's not about me praying. I pray all the time. Sometimes I feel like I pray all day. I'm not meaning this to brag about myself or anything, I just have a LOT to pray about. I pray for a LOT of people, this takes time. Most of the time in the car, I'll mean to turn my radio on and before I do, I've gotten to where I'm going and have been praying the whole time. I can talk THAT MUCH.

My issue is spending time letting Him do the talking.

But God...I love when He causes me to be at a loss for words. That's how I know He is truly amazing, among a plethora of other details...is when I can't even articulate....Him. He is.

It's funny how He seems to save chapters in books I'm reading or devotionals or sermons for when I need to hear them. That's how I know He loves me, among a plethora of other reasons. THAT is how He talks to us, through His word.

Take this past week for example. I barely had any quiet time. I started to worry...worry that I haven't really felt in about a long while, since I can say I've truly been seeking His face. I read in one of my books that as believers, we have the PRIVILEGE of not worrying. Even as I'm writing this, I was thinking of what verse to use here. It's funny because if you go to BibleGateway.com (do it now, open a new tab quick) and once you pick what version you like best, type in "worry". The results are RIDICULOUS. I even had no idea. EVERY VERSE - I came up with 38, with my New Living Translation, says not to worry, or don't worry, or why worry, or talks about how worrying is useless. THIRTY EIGHT VERSES PEOPLE!!!

OH MAN HE IS GOOD!

I feel like God doesn't want us to worry...

It's funny too because in the midst of all this, He reminded me that worrying is only the result of focusing on MYself and MY life.

Ooh. See what He did there? 

It's true. If we are truly focused on Him....we should have no worries. He takes care of us. The Bible says so, and for the (loveable) punk that wants to know where that verse is, one place you can find it is Matthew 6:33:

33 Seek the Kingdom of God[a] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

I feel like perhaps there should be a part 2 to this. Because I want to talk more about why it's not about you or me and why it is and should be about God....

So stay tuned! 

Words to describe my lack of words.

I have been house sitting for some friends and the internet is spotty so that's why I haven't posted in...what? ...2 days? I say this like I have so many followers, ha!

I do have tons o' ideas that I still want to blog about, but this morning I just wanted to TRY to share the Glory of God. I sit in awe of Him. In fact I can't even think about how big He is because the fact that can't even fathom it is just....*insert a word with more depth than incredible*


Psalm 19

1 The heavens proclaim the glory of God.

The skies display his craftsmanship.
2 Day after day they continue to speak;
night after night they make him known.
3 They speak without a sound or word;
their voice is never heard.[a]
4 Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,
and their words to all the world.

God has made a home in the heavens for the sun.
5 It bursts forth like a radiant bridegroom after his wedding.
It rejoices like a great athlete eager to run the race.
6 The sun rises at one end of the heavens
and follows its course to the other end.
Nothing can hide from its heat.

7 The instructions of the Lord are perfect,
reviving the soul.
The decrees of the Lord are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
8 The commandments of the Lord are right,
bringing joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are clear,
giving insight for living.
9 Reverence for the Lord is pure,
lasting forever.
The laws of the Lord are true;
each one is fair.
10 They are more desirable than gold,
even the finest gold.
They are sweeter than honey,
even honey dripping from the comb.
11 They are a warning to your servant,
a great reward for those who obey them.

12 How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?
Cleanse me from these hidden faults.
13 Keep your servant from deliberate sins!
Don’t let them control me.
Then I will be free of guilt
and innocent of great sin.

14 May the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing to you,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Even if we don't even think about His love, the Cross, or what He's done for us for a moment and just take in CREATION...I just shake my head in awe. When you're done reading this, or at some point today, go look at the sky. "The skies display his craftsmanship." 

Honestly, I think it's no wonder that people, including myself, have the audacity to think only about themselves...because we can understand ourselves- for the most part....and God...well.

Just wow. When you really can take in His creation, and His glory....there are no words. There are NO WORDS to describe His majesty.

And THEN if I remember He sent His son to die so that I could be with Him? Wow. No I can't even go there right now. It's too much for my feeble mind to understand.

Just go sit outside and be with Him. You are His creation, in His creation, in His creation, in His creation. Let that sink in. Be overwhelmed. Really I think it's the very least we can do.